Category: Motivation

Feel Fucking Great

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Life, Motivation, Therapy, Travel, Weekend, WritingLeave a comment

50 ways to be ridiculously generous—and feel ridiculously good.

I realized—many years ago—that when I behave generously, I feel rich. I like to feel rich. So I choose to be generous.

Behaving generously doesn’t necessarily mean “donating money” or “giving away your last cookie.” Those are two options, sure, but there are plenty of other ways to be generous.

You can share knowledge freely, instead of hoarding it. You can send a handwritten note, instead of a text message. You can make eye contact, instead of checking out and staring down at your phone. You can introduce a friend to someone they ought to meet and help them secure a new job, client, or opportunity. You can do big things, simple things, all kinds of things.

Here are 50 ways to be ridiculously generous—and feel ridiculously good.

The best part is, you don’t need to “prepare.” You don’t have to “buy anything.” You don’t need to “give it some thought.” You don’t have to “clear space on your calendar.” You just need to fold a little generosity into your day—which often takes just a minute or two.

The tiniest act of generosity can change someone’s day—or even change their whole life.

Here are 50 possibilities to inspire you. You could do one item from this list every day, 50 days in a row. It’s going to feel so good. And you’re about to become everyone’s favorite person.

1. Give a compliment to three strangers: a child, someone your own age, and an elder. Try to share a compliment that’s not related to their body or physical appearance. Instead, praise their inner qualities and skills. Say, “You’re amazing at riding that tricycle!” “You have the most calming voice. I could listen to you speak all day long.” “You inspire me to be more courageous.”

2. Find a Little Free Library near you and donate a book. Can’t find one? Start one.

3. That public radio station or podcast you’ve been streaming for months—or years? Become a member and contribute monthly to keep the programming going. Don’t put it off. While you’re at it, send a praise-filled email to the host or production team.

4. Find a blogger who’s been slammed with cruel, vicious comments lately. Send them an email. Say something kind. Encourage them to keep writing.

5. Choose a local show (improv, stand-up comedy, indie rock), convince a bunch of friends to buy tickets, and go see it. It can be an in-person show or a virtual show. Turn off your phones and give these performers your complete, undivided attention. Applaud vigorously. Make these hardworking performers feel like the superstars that they are.

6. Choose a struggling (or not-so-struggling) artist and publicly thank them for adding beauty and inspiration to the world. Post a positive review online. Mention them in your newsletter. Or send a personal note to say, “I love your work. Please keep going.”

7. Choose a big-name celebrity that you admire and write them a genuine, heartfelt letter of thanks. Just to say, “Your work really moves me, and I appreciate what you do.” Send this note with no strings attached and no expectation of a reply. Purely just to say thank you.

8. If you see a couple—and they’re trying to take a selfie of themselves while on a romantic date or trip—ask, “Would you like me to take that photo for you?” Offer to help. Capture the moment. Extra credit: ask, “How did you two meet?” and give them an opportunity to tell you their love story.

9. Send a bouquet of flowers to someone you love—to celebrate something specific or for no particular reason at all. It’s old-school and always a classic. Alternate ideas: send a potted plant rather than cut flowers, send a pizza delivery, or make a contribution to a great cause in their honor.

10. Sponsor a local yoga class. Buy 10 or 20 spots and give them away. You can give out passes to friends, colleagues, neighbors, or strangers. Or tell the studio, “The next 20 people who come in can take class for free. I’d like to pay for their spot in advance.” Yoga for everybody!

11. Tell a teenager: “You are so brilliant. I can’t wait to see who you become. And I love who you are right now.”

12. Tell your mom (or someone who feels like your mom): “You raised me right. Here is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from you: _______________.” [fill in the blank]

13. Tell your dad (or someone who feels like your dad): “You’ve given me so many gifts. Like the ability to _______________. Thank you.” [fill in the blank]

14. Be like Diane von Furstenberg and start your day by sending out one email specifically designed to help somebody else—without directly benefiting you at all—before you do anything else. Make introductions, send encouragement, offer a helpful resource or link.

15. Go through your closet and donate items to Dress For Success—or its equivalent in your country. You’ll declutter your wardrobe and help a job seeker feel more confident at their next interview.

16. Put away your phone and close down your inbox for a day—or even just an hour. Give the world the gift of your undivided, non-digital attention.

17. Experiment with Tonglen meditation: inhale suffering (yours and others), exhale compassion (for the whole world).

18. Tip generously. Not sure how much? This is how much. Except double it.

19. Record an audio message for someone you’ve been meaning to thank for a while. Text it to them and tell them: “Keep this audio note and play it whenever you’re doubting your awesomeness.”

20. Buy a coffee or meal for a stranger and start a magical chain reaction.

21. Do somebody else’s laundry. Or give someone a gift card for a laundry service so they can outsource this task. Brighten their day and ask for nothing in return. (They might weep with gratitude.)

22. Turn a photo from your smartphone into a real postcard. Send it.

23. Give someone a grrrrreat massage. Here’s how.

24. When a friend tells you a piece of good news, respond with sincere enthusiasm. Make a fuss over them and say, “This is amazing news. We need to celebrate!” Whether it’s a new job, big client, moving to a new home, or something else, plan a celebration for your friend and do something to mark the moment. (Often, we rush through life so quickly and forget to take time to pause and acknowledge our victories. Helping a friend celebrate is such a generous gesture.)

25. Overwhelmed with too many things to read? Instead of canceling your newspaper or magazine subscriptions, donate them to a local school for a few months until you’re ready to start receiving them again.

26. Waiting in line? Strike up a conversation with somebody who looks bored, numb, or checked out. Start by asking: “What was the best part of your day?”

27. Applying for a job? Trying to woo a client? Or make a friend? Send them something helpful and astonishingly generous—before asking for anything. (Here’s an example.)

28. Create a generous “auto-responder” (sometimes called an “out-of-office” message or “vacation auto-reply” message) for your email—full of links, resources, fun videos, answers to commonly asked questions, a complimentary gift, or whatever else you want to include. This is an easy way to offer people something inspiring, entertaining, and helpful (or all of the above!) automatically. They can enjoy the cool stuff while they await your reply. (Want to see some creative examples? Check this out.)

29. Buy a massage for a veteran of war. Just contact a massage therapist, make a payment, and then contact your local veteran’s health administration and pass along the details.

30. Reach out to a friend who’s been having a rough time. Say, “I know you’re dealing with a lot right now. I’d like to do something to make your life a tiny bit easier—to provide some relief. Here are 3 things I could do for you: (1) _________ (2) _________ (3) _________. Please let me know if you’d like 1, 2, or all 3. It would bring me joy to do this.”

Fill in the blanks with things you’d be willing to do, such as cooking a meal, babysitting the kids, driving them to a doctor’s appointment, cleaning (or sending a housekeeper over to tidy up their home), or whatever you want to do.

Note: instead of asking, “What can I do to help you? Please tell me what you need,” provide 2-3 options and ask your friend to pick what they want. This might be less overwhelming for your friend and can make it easier for them to accept help.

31. Make a playlist of uplifting music. Title your playlist: “Music to create hope,” “Music for motivation,” or “Listen to this when you want to feel lifted and inspired.” Share the playlist with a few friends, colleagues at work, or one special person in your life.

32. Pick your favorite small business, service provider, or freelancer who’s incredible at what they do. Tell 3 friends about them. Say, “You need to hire this person. You will be so happy you did.” Send new business their way. They’ll be so delighted!

33. Leave a wrapped gift on top of your trash can with a note for your friendly neighborhood waste disposal professional. Or leave an envelope with a cash tip. They deal with unspeakable filth, every week, all for YOU.

34. Brew a big pot of coffee. Fill up some eco-friendly cups. Offer free coffee to joggers who are going by your home, or to everyone at work, or to everyone at the bus stop, etc.

35. Buy a gift for a total stranger. (Search wishlists here.)

36. Four words: gourmet ice cream delivery. Three more words: cookie dough delivery.

37. Choose a friend. Grab a blank notebook. (Or this book.) Fill the book with love notes and compliments written by you and by other people, too. Give it to your friend. Now they have an entire book filled with reasons why they are awesome. They can flip through this book any time they’re feeling down.

38. If you have a colleague who is self-employed, encourage them to charge more. Tell them, “You provide incredible value. You deserve to be paid what you’re worth. I think you should raise your rates. If that’s something you want to do—I’d love to help you do it.” If they’re open to it, help them brainstorm, strategize, and figure out a plan to roll out the new (higher) pricing.

39. Leave a platter of homemade treats in the common area of your office or apartment building. Extra credit: provide a list of ingredients (for folks who have food sensitivities).

40. Pray for someone. If you don’t pray: send love.

41. Nominate someone for an award—and then cross your fingers and hope that they win! Such as: The Webby Awards, The Stevie Awards, a Book Award, The Black Podcasting Awards, The BEQ Pride Trailblazer Award, The National Small Business Award, or a local award in your city, state, or region. You could also make up an award (such as, “Best Dog Walker of the Century”) and present it to someone you love.

42. Help someone land their dream job or dream client. Tell them, “I’d love to proofread your resume and check for typos.” “Would you like me to take a quick look at that email before you send it?” “Want to borrow my lucky blazer for your interview?” Tell them, “You’ve got this.”

43. Volunteer to mentor an aspiring entrepreneur through your local SCORE chapter. (You don’t have to be an “expert” or know “everything.” You just have to know a few things—enough to help someone get started on their journey.

44. Go to the art supply/craft section of a local shop and leave a note that says, “Your art makes the world more beautiful.” The right person will find it, exactly when they need it.

45. Leave a rave review for your favorite podcast, your favorite book, your favorite product, your favorite anything. Five stars!

46. Arrange a luxurious gift for a public school teacher. A concert pass. A nice bottle of wine. They work incredibly hard for incredibly low pay. Send some love.

47. Plan a weekly co-working session and invite a friend to join you (either online or in-person). Tell them, “Let’s get together, once a week, and use this time to work on our goals.” Use this time to write your novel, finish your dissertation, map out your marketing plan, onboard new clients, declutter your home, whatever you want to accomplish. This will be hugely beneficial for you—and your friend, too. They’ll be grateful that you took the initiative to plan this weekly get-it-done date.

48. Ask someone, “How are you doing—really?” Give them the opportunity to share what’s really going on. Listen without interrupting. Give them the gift of your presence and attention.

49. Set a boundary and actually enforce it. This might be, “Actually, I don’t work on weekends.” “No, I don’t offer discounts for my services.” “I’m not available to meet until 2 weeks from now.” “My phone will be off for the rest of the day.” “I can deliver this project next Friday, but not before then.” Why is it generous to enforce a boundary? Because when someone witnesses you doing this, they will realize, “I can do this, too.” They’ll be inspired by your behavior and feel permission to set their own healthy boundaries, too. You’re leading by example.

50. Start this 50-day cycle of generosity all over again. Just because you can.

About the Author

Alexandra Franzen (who goes by “Alex”) is a best-selling author, award-winning editor, and entrepreneur based in Hawaii. She’s the co-founder of Get It Done. In addition, she works as a copywriter for top brands. She has written six books including two novels, and has contributed to Time, Forbes, Newsweek, and Lifehacker.

Her work has been mentioned in The New York Times Small Business Blog, The Atlantic, The Los Angeles Times, Fast Company, BuzzFeed, Inc., and she once appeared on the Peabody Award-winning radio show, Marketplace.

Alex deleted all of her social media accounts 8 years ago. She’s known for writing essays on technology, mental health, and why we all need to unplug more. If you’re self-employed and curious about quitting social media (or want to cut back and use it less), check out The Marketing Without Social Media Course, which includes 100 ways to find clients/customers without social media.

www.AlexandraFranzen.com

www.YouCanGetItDone.com

www.MarketingWithoutSocialMedia.com

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The Grit

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Adventure, Bogota, Colombia, Life, Motivation, Travel, WritingLeave a comment

Well this is a whopping pain in the ass. I packed my gear and headed to a Starbucks here in Bogota. I know I know, how could I patronize the evil empire cause their all big and corporate and stuff. Well amidst all the evil they typically have good Wi-Fi, low chances of stabbing and despite being the coffee capital of the world, I was hankering for a chai. This location is a 10 minute walk from my spot and I decided to go. At times I dig their clever furniture and amazing views from their key locations. This time though I arrive, feeling an urge to get some things out, the overcast skies and some recent events inspiring me to hit the keyboard…But the fight with Starbucks is watching all the seats disappear while you order and wait for your beverage. Found a great spot on the third floor with a view of the park, and then…no Wi-Fi. No Starbucks network, shit just vanished. 

I venture to the second floor believing it to be a signal issue. I ask the girl at a nearby table if her Starbucks works in my toddler Spanish, and she says yes it works fine. Well shit. Mine still isn’t here. Give it five minutes, sip that dirty chai, feel that explosive rocket fuel caffeine begin to coarse through your veins like a super power.

Ah! We have arrived! Just when I began to feel a heartbeat behind my eyes the Wi-Fi network mystically appeared and we are good to roll! The network is snappy and seems stable. In our modern dopamine soaked culture its always interesting to be unplugged for a few hours/days, venturing into the unknown while the world stays plugged in. What are they saying about you? Who’s liked your cat photo, who’s talking shit about your bathing suit pic from 5 years again?!?! These mysteries need answering, and they need them now! Except they down. You reconnect and get 3-5 junk notifications (thank god a FB. Garage sale is happening near my home 5,000 miles away, what if I had missed that?!?!

I’ve wandered far and wide in this post and you might be wondering what the hell the title means. Well let me tell you. In short my thesis is that solo travel teaches you grit. That’s important because grit is absolutely unequivocally important in your life. Grit is what gets you there. Facing the fear of the unknown, and pushing ahead regardless. In a place like Bogotá you are surrounded by so much grit. Every hour off every day.  From the guy who commutes 2 hours each way to his serving gig, to the hotel staff that continually put in 12 hour days. When I get the opportunity to chat with these folks they rarely if ever complain, they are raising families, stretching budgets, dealing with heartbreak and unimaginable exhaustion. They could lay out their trials and tribulations all day, instead they invariably always tell me about their dreams. I soak it up and carry it with me all day, all week, and all the way home. I LOVE  chatting about dreams and goals and ambitions. To me that’s the lifeblood of the human experience . Dreams take grit, and Bogota is saturated with it. 

You Are Not Your Job! Identity Crisis Reminder

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Academia, Adjunct, Education, Higher Education, History, Labor, Life, Monday, Motivation, WritingLeave a comment

Back to basics. Feels good to write with some fire. I need to remind you, and remain vigilant myself…You are not your career. You are not your job. Your identity is not what you do to sustain yourself monetarily within society. Reducing yourself to any single characteristic, whether it be your title or your job performance, is a deeply damaging act. Just take a look here for trusted words via The Atlantic from Arthur C Brooks. In short, one vital facet of work in modern society is that your company and or institution does not give one flippant fuck about you. None. Zero. Despite all of the mission statements, and the vision boards, the nauseating amount of material about how their “people matter” If you died, they would send an email of condolences and then post an ad for your replacement. They would pay you less money if they could.

As much as our culture currently rails against objectification, this is exactly what the function of the workplace is. You are an object to produce surplus value for the company/shareholders/etc. Anything else is pure delusion. What I am saying is that we need to act accordingly. You are so much more than your fucking job. From the above Atlantic article;

“The case against objectifying others is fairly straightforward. Less obvious but equally damaging is when the objectifier and the person being objectified are one and the same. Humans are capable of objectifying themselves in many ways—by assessing their self-worth in terms of their physical appearance, economic position, or political views, for example—but all of them boil down to one damaging core act: reducing one’s own humanity to a single characteristic, and thus encouraging others to do so as well. In the case of work, that might look like judging one’s self-worth—positively or negatively—based on job performance or professional standing.

Just as our entertainment culture encourages us to self-objectify physically, our work culture pushes us to self-objectify professionally. Americans tend to valorize being driven and ambitious, so letting work take over virtually every moment of your life is concerningly easy. I know many people who talk of almost nothing besides their work; who are saying, essentially, “I am my job.” This may feel more humanizing and empowering than saying “I am my boss’s tool,” but that reasoning has a fatal flaw: In theory, you can ditch your boss and get a new job. You can’t ditch you.”

One way relationships seldom end well. In the case of getting laid off or fired supreme bitterness sets in amidst the scramble. This is a horrendous feeling, you gave everything to this company, and one day it all unexpectedly came crashing down. This is the thing, it doesn’t have to. This process can feel akin to a liberation if prepared for. Countless pundits have acted dumbfounded by the so called “great resignation” seemingly confused and enraged why people under 40 would leave their jobs. Some of us have noticed the blatant hypocrisy and been on this same trek a time or two. Toxic work cultures and shit-tastic compensation models seem to be the business’s hardest hit. Where is the great mystery?

What is the point here? why am I wiring this on an overcast Monday afternoon? I’m certainly not writing this from the “office”. The point is you have agency. You want stability, security, you want not to grind your teeth to dust at night? No one gives that to you. YOU HAVE TO BUILD IT. The beauty is, once you build your own, its like developing your own organic super power. Reclaim your voice, and stop letting things happen to you, and instead make them happen for you.

“Tens of thousands of people, most of them less
capable than you, leave their jobs every day. It’s neither uncommon nor fatal. Here are a few exercises to help you realize just how natural job changes are and how simple the transition can be.
1. First, a familiar reality check: Are you more likely to find what you want in your current job or somewhere else?
2. If you were fired from your job today, what would you do to get things under financial control?
3. Take a sick day and post your resume on the major job sites. Even if you have no immediate plans to leave your job, post your resume on sites such as www.monster.com and www.indeed.com, using a pseudonym if you prefer. This will show you that there are options besides your current place of work. Call headhunters if your level makes such a step appropriate, and send a brief e-mail such as the one below to friends and non-work contacts.
“Dear All,
I am considering making a career move and am interested in all opportunities that might come to mind. Nothing is too outrageous or out of left field. [If you know what you want or don’t want on some level, feel free to add, “I am particularly interested in …” or “I would like to avoid …”]
Please let me know if anything comes to mind! -You
Call in sick or take a vacation day to complete all of these exercises during a normal 9–5 workday. This will simulate unemployment and lessen the fear factor of non-office limbo.”

-Tim Ferriss

Instead of reading more news on the recession or interest rate hikes or other things outside of your direct control, really narrow in on #2 above. Make a plan. Build a figurative financial “bomb shelter”. Be as prepared as possible to move on in the direction that you want and or need. Remember you are not alone.

Have you been fired? Have you left a job? What strategies helped you get through it? Are you in a better place now? Would you do anything differently? Please tell us about it in the comments.

Cafe days in the midst of meltdown

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Adventure, Bogota, Colombia, Life, Motivation, South America, Therapy, Travel, Writing2 Comments

During the height of the pandemic a new bit verbiage emerged to describe being under lockdown and looking at social media feeds everyday. “Doom scrolling” is the term used to describe watching the world meltdown from your phone screen. The ice caps are melting, the penguins are dying, the oceans are full of trash, there is a raging mystery virus etc. holy shit was the news a depressing place to be. And then we ‘moved on.’. The optimism hit a bump and people began mentioning a return to “normalcy” although we weren’t quite sure what that might look like these days. Just as some grains of hope began to fall from the heavens, 20222 dragged us down into a tomb to beat our kidneys with old raggedy bowling pins. Russia has invaded Ukraine… Mass graves are being discovered, millions of people are fleeing to nearby countries, and inflation has come to grind the average American under a rarely understood economic jackboot. Things are looking desperate all over the world. Food prices skyrocketing, possible nuclear warfare, the stock market has been shredded to bloody bits and is now attracting flies. The Crypto bros are in desperate need of new underwear to survive the month, and home buyers are being squeezed by nosebleed prices plus higher interest rates.

Slow down and smell the flowers from time to time

So what is to be done?!

Right this minute? Not much. Remember this too shall pass. Off all the geopolitical situations I may read about on a daily basis I can control approximately 0% of them. I’m not saying become an apathetic shit head, or that we have no agency, but there askew things in your direct, intentional life that you CAN control and that will have a direct positive impact on your life. If the news is freaking you out and making you run for a Xanax drip….stop reading it for a while. Take a walk. Take a detox from social media…Take a Fucking breathe. A ball of anxious frustration about the possible future does you and those around you absolutely no good. Like I said before, this too she pass. Stick to your plan. If your plan needs to adapt, then make the necessary changes. I walked to a cafe here in Bogotá where I enjoy the chai latte, and they have an abundance of plants. I walked a mile or so, pondered a few of life’s damnable questions then sat down to unpack some of this shit through words. I know shit is crazy out there, but there are also unabashedly amazing things too. No one I know has been burned at that that stake for witchcraft lately, people are living longer, there is no Spanish Inquisition, we can cook food by frying fucking air…these things are giant leaps over our previous experience here on earth. Remember that before 1800 not a single country on earth had a life expectancy over 40. THINK about that. No grand parents and very few parents. You’d be more concerned with plague or famine anyway.

Find some green spaces

What I’m saying is you can still embrace optimism, and yield it like a secret super weapon. Optimism is like the force, don’t give into the doom. Become an optimistic Jedi.

Thank you

On Not Traveling/Writing…And Finding The Juice

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Adventure, Europe, Life, Motivation, Travel, Writing2 Comments

Wow, here we are. I can imagine you, like me have had quite the year(s) worth of experience in my absence. My last post was January of 2020. I had shit to say but I simply stopped. I used to think of reasons, justifications, and all the rest. Then, some months in, the reality simply dawned on me… I didnt owe anything to anybody. Then the world imploded with Covid. I was on my way back from the Philippines when international air travel came to a stand still. I wrote personal things during the pandemic and built a bad ass reading list as I quarantined solo and did my part to come out of this pandemic okay. 60 or so books down things were looking on the up and up. A few choice elements of normalcy returned. I had 7-9 trips or so end up canceled over that time, and for someone who measures a real sense of time through excursion planning, the adjustment was quite real.

All of a sudden you realise that you aren’t going fucking anywhere. I hunkered down, went a bit stoic on it, and kept reading. I was working,still teaching, investing and keeping mostly sane. 2021 brought the defeat of Donald Trump and a kind of optimism that things might be headed in at least a *better* direction. I was finally able to leave the country a few times. Mini jaunts at first to Mexico, Costa Rica, and Colombia. I needed those. I have a kind of pensive lust for the “road” as it were, and if not properly satiated, I may run amok like some depraved beast. August of 2021, 2 years to the date since I last assaulted Europe’s shores found my sorry ass wandering around Dublin, Ireland. A proper pint of the dark stuff, and onto Croatia we went. I kept thinking back to Sicily(my last Euro trek), I kept thinking back to the world before Covid, before masks, mandates and madness.

Croatia was bright, beautiful, warm, soaked in Aperol and oh so perfectly European. I didnt quite have my footing yet while there. after 2 years that felt like 20 away from the continent, this was a bit like an intro round. wobbly, excited, overzealous, and eager. Prom night like fumbling at the then guarded treasure that is serene travel joy. Finding my stride proved a bit more difficult than anticipated. Returning from my conquest of the Adriatic, I waited in anticipation for the next cheap fare to come along…and BANG! thats how I ended up in Spain. My ass currently going numb in this cheap hotel chair and rickety desk. the sounds of Madrid’s boisterous Saturday night rampaging through the window. My jamon drunk senses imploring me to get back on this saddle of writing. You see I actually packed a real hardcover newly released book on this trek. Blazing through about 90% of it on the plane over I arrived in Madrid hungry and deep in thought. That’s for my next post. Turns out i’ve got some things to untangle…and WordPress just billed me for another year.

cheers.

Weekend words from Nomadic Matt

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Motivation, TravelLeave a comment

I’m here in Lima, Perú. I’ve been at this for a while. In many respects I can consider travel my life’s work. People are constantly asking me for tips, tricks, hacks etc. mostly though, it’s the “how do you do it”?

I’ve packaged that response in multiple ways over the years and each time I do I’m reminded of the most vital ingredient.

Just do it. Start somewhere. Go somewhere. Go ANYWHERE. See as much of this insanely beautiful world as you can. You will not regret it.

From Nomadic Matt (nomadicmatt.com)

“We all ponder exotic locations and amazing adventures. We think of the trips we will take and the places we will meet.

And then we abandon those dreams as rapidly as we thought them up.

We think of all the reasons why we can’t go. Why today isn’t perfect and we just have too many things to do.

Something comes up and our plans are put off until tomorrow as we wait for “the right time.” When we have more money, more time off, when things aren’t so crazy – then we can travel. We just need the stars to align a little more.

But, here is a secret: it will never be the right time to travel.

You’ll always find an excuse as to why today just isn’t the right day.

You will always have some reason to stay at home.

The idea that the stars will align and you’ll find the perfect day to step out of your door and into the world is a fantasy.

But tomorrow won’t be any better.

Tomorrow, there will still be bills to pay.

Tomorrow, there still won’t be enough money.

Tomorrow, there will still be someone’s wedding to attend or a birthday party to go to.

Tomorrow, there will still be planning to do.

Tomorrow, you will still second-guess yourself.

Tomorrow, you’ll still find yourself putting off the preparation for one more day.

Tomorrow, people you know will still sow the seeds of doubt in your head.

Tomorrow, you’ll find another excuse why you can’t go.

The perfect day will never come.

If I had waited for the “perfect day”, I’d still be waiting. I’d still be waiting for someone to come with me or for just a little more money.

Sometimes, you just have to take the leap and go for it. Ships aren’t meant to stay in harbor – and you weren’t meant to wonder “what if?” Because, one day, you’ll find you’ve run out of tomorrows.

And you’ll be filled with nothing but sadness and regret.

So stop waiting.

Take the leap.

Today is your day.”

What do you think?

New Years Resolutions are Bullshit

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Life, Monday, Motivation, Therapy, TravelLeave a comment

Why You Should be Planning for 2020, Not 2019.

Benjamin Hardy

Before writing the first chapter of Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling planned for seven years at Hogwarts. Harry Potter is one of the most read books of all-time.

Before creating the first Stars Wars movie in the 1970s, George Lucas planned for at least six films and started at episode four, rather than episode one. Almost 40 years later, the entire world continues to be excited with the release of a new Star Wars film. This would not be possible if Lucas hadn’t thoughtfully and largely planned ahead.

The principle is simple: Don’t just plant a tree, plant an orchard.

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

How different might Harry Potter have been if Rowling started the book without any intentions or plans beyond the first book? It may have just been a book about a boy who went to school and killed a bad guy. Perhaps, at the conclusion of that story, Rowling might or might not have decided to write a sequel.

Yet, by “beginning with the end in mind,” Rowling was able to direct and position the first book much differently. The first book, although amazing in itself, was a means to an end, clearly leading the reader to the next book.

Not only that but by having a long-term objective, Rowling was able to create a much bigger story. She was able to foreshadow to things the reader wouldn’t learn about for sometimes several years!

But she planted those seeds early and thoughtfully, and as a result, each book was a continuation of the next, rather than several disconnected and random stories.

Similarly, consider how different Star Wars would have been had Lucas created one film, without planning what would come next, or before! Vader may have just been “the bad guy,” not Luke’s father.

Very Few People Live like This

You are the writer of your own narrative. Yet, how often do you plan each year based on what you intend to do during the next year or the one after that?

What if, like Rowling, you were living this year based on what you intend to do in 1, 3, and 5 years from now?

It’s all in the setup.

Goals are means, not ends.

Everything you do is positioning. Are you positioning yourself to do AMAZING things in 1, 3, or 5 years from now?

I can already hear your mental wheels spinning.

But you can’t plan for the future! The real world isn’t Hogwarts!

Obviously, the world is changing fast. You can’t plan for everything. Hence, Tony Robbins has said, “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

And that’s the difference. Most people don’t make committed decisions, which is why only 8% of people go on to accomplish their New Years Resolutions.

In an interview between John Assaraf and Lewis Howes, Assaraf shared what his first mentor taught him about goal setting.

After setting his goals in several areas of his life (e.g., health, spirituality, finances, relationships, service, etc.), and for 1, 3, 5, and 25 years out, Assaraf’s mentor asked him, “Are you interested in achieving these goals, or are you committed?” to which Assaraf responded, “What’s the difference?”

His mentor responded:

“If you’re interested, you come up with stories, excuses, reasons, and circumstances about why you can’t or why you won’t. If you’re committed, those go out the window. You just do whatever it takes.”

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

Clearly, Assaraf’s life probably isn’t exactly how he planned it to be when he set those goals in 1982 at the age of 19. However, I’m confident those goals propelled him to where he is today.

He was playing and planning a much bigger game than most people and writing a much different story.

The Science Doesn’t Lie

If psychological science has found anything in the past 30 years, it’s that people with high self-efficacy and an internal locus of control radically outperform others.

Self-efficacy = your belief in your own ability to achieve your goals. Think “confidence.”

Internal locus of control = a belief that you, not external circumstances, determine the outcomes of your life.

External locus of control = a belief that factors outside of you determine the outcomes of your life.

The majority of the population have low self-efficacy and an external locus of control. According to several research studies, people with these two traits:

The list goes on. You get the point.

Reverse everything on that list for people with high self-efficacy and an internal locus of control.

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

Living a Consciously Designed Life

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” — Abraham Lincoln

Pulling it all together, here’s how it works:

  1. You must believe YOU ARE IN CONTROL of what happens to you (i.e., internal locus of control)
  2. You must believe in YOUR OWN ABILITY to make things happen (i.e., self-efficacy/confidence)
  3. You must believe you, and only you, are RESPONSIBLE for the choices you make
  4. You must have HOPE that what you seek will come about.

According to psychology’s Hope Theory, hope reflects your perceptions regarding your capacity to:

  • clearly conceptualize goals
  • develop the specific strategies to reach those goals (i.e., pathways thinking)
  • initiate and sustain the motivation for using those strategies (i.e., agency thinking).

From a spiritual perspective, hope is far more than wishful thinking. It’s a sense of confidence, even assurance, that what you seek is a foregone conclusion — what Tony Robbins calls, “Resolve.”

“Resolve means it’s done,” said Robbins. “It’s done inside your heart, therefore it’s done in the real world.” Hence, Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said, “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

Few people make committed decisions. Instead, they state preferences such as, “I’d like to be healthier and happier.”

To quote Assaraf’s mentor, “Are you interested or committed?

5. You are MOTIVATED, even when life is difficult.

According to one of the core theories of motivation, motivation involves three components:

  • the value you place on your goal
  • your belief that specific behaviors will actually facilitate the outcomes you desire
  • your belief in your own ability to successfully execute the behaviors requisite to achieving your goals

If you don’t truly value the goal, you won’t be motivated. If you don’t believe you have an effective means of achieving your goal, you won’t be motivated. If you don’t expect yourself to do what it takes, you won’t be motivated.

This theory is known as “Expectancy Theory,” and it highlights that what you expect to happen often does. Hence the term, “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

Interestingly, there is a related concept known as “The Pygmalion Effect,”which shows that what other people expect of you in large measure determines how well you do.

The principles are simple: Expect amazing things to happen and they generally will. Surround yourself with people who have high expectations for you and you’ll generally live up to those expectations.

Be → Do → Have

You have to ‘Be’ the right kind of person first, then you must ‘Do’ the right thingsbefore you can expect to ‘Have.’” — Zig Ziglar

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

Living a consciously designed life is completely possible.

Perhaps the most fundamental decision any person can ever make is this one:

  • You can choose to believe that the people who succeed, like Michael Jordan, for example, were born to become what they did
  • Or, you can choose to believe that at some point, they chose to become what they did

That is the most fundamental decision you can make about life as a human being. It is what some would call a “watershed issue” — whichever side of the equation you pick will put you down a course that will influence all of your other decisions, mindsets, and beliefs.

Do you believe you can choose what you become?

Or do you believe your course is set for you at birth?

Do you “discover” yourself or do you “create” yourself?

Whichever perspective you choose, your brain will go about finding any and all information it can to support that bias. As Dan Sullivan has said, “Your eyes can only see and your ears can only hear what your brain is looking for.”Psychologists call this “selective attention.”

What you focus on expands.

You see what you believe is real — and then it becomes real for you in a self-fulfilling prophecy. As Dr. Stephen Covey said, “You see the world, not as it is, but as you’ve been conditioned to see it.”

Making this shift starts by recognizing that for quite a while, you’ve been going through the motions. Your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and even desires are the product of your environment.

Thanks to a global world that makes information abundant, it isn’t hard to become exposed to other ways of life. However, you must realize quickly that most of the information online is complete trash. Which is why Basecamp Founder, Jason Fried, has said, “I’m pretty oblivious to a lot of things intentionally. I don’t want to be influenced that much.”

Once you begin upgrading your mindset and environment, and once your priorities and goals are clear — then you don’t want to be swayed or distracted by most of the low-level information out there.

A key strategy for making any jump is to, “Assume the feeling of your wish fulfilled,” meaning, you assume the posture, attitude, and emotions of the people operating at the higher level.

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

You affirm to yourself who you are and then operate from that affirmation. This may sound like “acting as if,” and it actually is.

But it’s important to realize that we are always “acting” in a role. All of life is acting. In every situation, you are assuming a character. You’re playing a role based on the other people around you. In some situations, your role may be an employee, while in others it may be a parent, or child, or friend.

In all cases, you are acting a part.

You can change your role.

You can change the stage.

You can choose to be different. But it must start in your state of being. Rather than operating subconsciously as the majority of people do, you must make a conscious decision about who you intend to be and where you intend to go. You must then BEHAVE from that decision. When you act from that decision, then you create the outcomes you are seeking. You will become the person you intend to be, rather than the person your circumstances led you to be.

Conclusion: Humility and Awe

“My dreams are my dress rehearsals for my future.” — David Copperfield

Does everything in life go exactly how you plan it? Of course not.

Here’s the principle: Expect great things to happen, be happy even when they don’t.

“Expect everything and attach to nothing!” — Carrie Campbell

https://www.gapingvoid.com/culture-wall/

However, just because things don’t go exactly according to plan doesn’t mean you aren’t in control. It is your decisions, not your conditions, which determine your destiny.

When you take up the responsibility to live your life according to design rather than the default, you will constantly be humbled and in awe. You’ll be blown away as you watch life unfold as you saw it in your head — as your physical world conforms itself to your thoughts.

You absolutely can live your life how Rowling wrote Harry Potter and how Lucas wrote Star Wars.

You can dream and live BIG.

You can live by design.

Your world can continue to expand.

But you must think further ahead. 2019 shouldn’t be viewed in isolation. It’s an obvious continuation of 2018.

So what will your life be like in 2020?

Airport reflections

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Adventure, Asia, Laos, Life, Motivation, Thailand, Travel, WanderlustLeave a comment

Some days I feel old. Especially in airports. My ass is planted in a plastic formed seat in the small regional airport of Udon Thani, north eastern Thailand. 35 WiFi networks and none of them public.

Why?

Because fuck you. That’s why.

Time on the road can jade you just a bit. Cranky ass old people are a fixture of modern day life. As I sit here and embrace my inner cantankerous bastard, some glorious truths shine their benevolent rays of goodness light upon me…and I soften a bit.

Let me explain.

Am I a bit sore/tired? Sure. Why is that?

Well it happens to be because I averaged around 10 miles per day hiking all over the lower regions of Laos. The small yet charming south East Asian country being #72! and having evaded me (barely) this time last year. Now, this entire shot was just a bit over two weeks, and as it’s winding down, I’m absolutely elated. I’m grown man giddy. I have so much to write about, so many memories and sordid tales. Pictures, conversations, connections…the real shit that gets the blood flowing.

I know for many of us, we get lost in the worlds dumpster fires. Blind tribalism, shit strap politics, and overall doom and gloom.

I left that shit behind. I had no choice. This year certainly had its share of suck. Big epic balls of suck. But I’m still here, and I’m still standing. Pushing forward and stoked on what’s ahead. If it’s toxic, let it be. Don’t carry it around with you. Shits heavier than lead. Instead I’ve focused on making a difference, making my dent, and never giving in to the quiet desperation that seems so prevalent. Wrapped around all of this goodness is a fluffy, warm, slightly crispy pressed tortilla of stupendous optimism. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a feel fucking good burrito. The power of unbridled optimism feels weird at first, but then a euphoria settles in. It’s like a savage orgasm, only for your personality.

So my ass might be numb. I might be a bit sunburned. I may have believed my death imminent in the back of a tuk tuk today, I may feel a bit battered from vans, planes, boats, border crossings, and all the rest…I have longer pieces to finish and some logistics to sort…in short, I might feel a bit old in this airport…But I also feel the power of hope, and the concept that if I were to get creamed by a fruit truck next week, or my plane were to go down, I couldn’t be angry. I’ve been fortunate enough to jam on my dreams for over a decade now. I’ve pushed my self, my goals, and my ambitions farther than I ever thought possible. I’ve had a chance to love the fuck out of so many people. I’ve counted on and been saved by those same folks more than I should admit.

Seeing the world, sharing glimpses with you, and blasting ignorance in the pills every semester in my classrooms. Thank you for coming along, and helping me along the way.

More soon.

Creativity, Wanderlust, and the Mind

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Adventure, Motivation, Travel, Wanderlust, Weekend, WritingLeave a comment

 

Let me know what you think.

There are plenty of things to be gained from going abroad: new friends, new experiences, new stories.But living in another country may come with a less noticeable benefit, too: Some scientists say it can also make you more creative.

Writers and thinkers have long felt the creative benefits of international travel. Ernest Hemingway, for example, drew inspiration for much of his work from his time in Spain and France. Aldous Huxley, the author of Brave New World, moved from the U.K. to the U.S. in his 40s to branch out into screenwriting. Mark Twain, who sailed around the coast of the Mediterranean in 1869, wrote in his travelogue Innocents Abroad that travel is “fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

In recent years, psychologists and neuroscientists have begun examining more closely what many people have already learned anecdotally: that spending time abroad may have the potential to affect mental change. In general, creativity is related to neuroplasticity, or how the brain is wired. Neural pathways are influenced by environment and habit, meaning they’re also sensitive to change: New sounds, smells, language, tastes, sensations, and sights spark different synapses in the brain and may have the potential to revitalize the mind.

“Foreign experiences increase both cognitive flexibility and depth and integrativeness of thought, the ability to make deep connections between disparate forms,” says Adam Galinsky, a professor at Columbia Business School and the author of numerous studies on the connection between creativity and international travel. Cognitive flexibility is the mind’s ability to jump between different ideas, a key component of creativity. But it’s not just about being abroad, Galinsky says: “The key, critical process is multicultural engagement, immersion, and adaptation. Someone who lives abroad and doesn’t engage with the local culture will likely get less of a creative boost than someone who travels abroad and really engages in the local environment.” In other words, going to Cancun for a week on spring break probably won’t make a person any more creative. But going to Cancun and living with local fishermen might.

In Galinsky’s latest study, published last month in the Academy of Management Journal, he and three other researchers examined the experiences of the creative directors of 270 high-end fashion houses. Combing through 11 years’ worth of fashion lines, Galinsky and his team searched for links between the creative directors’ experience working abroad and the fashion houses’ “creative innovations,” or the degree “to which final, implemented products or services are novel and useful from the standpoint of external audiences.” The level of creativity of a given product was rated by a pool of trade journalists and independent buyers. Sure enough, the researchers found a clear correlation between time spent abroad and creative output: The brands whose creative directors had lived and worked in other countries produced more consistently creative fashion lines than those whose directors had not.

The researchers also found that the more countries the executives had lived in, the more creative the lines tended to be—but only up to a point. Those who had lived and worked in more than three countries, the study found, still tended to show higher levels of creativity that those who hadn’t worked abroad at all, but less creativity that their peers who had worked in a smaller number of foreign countries. The authors hypothesized that those who had lived in too many countries hadn’t been able to properly immerse themselves culturally; they were bouncing around too much. “It gets back to this idea of a deeper level of learning that’s necessary for these effects to occur,” Galinsky says.

Cultural distance, or how different a foreign culture is from one’s own, may also play a role: Surprisingly, Galinsky and his colleagues found that living someplace with a larger cultural distance was often associated with lower creativity than living in a more familiar culture. The reason for that, they hypothesized, was that an especially different culture might come with a bigger intimidation factor, which may discourage people from immersing themselves in it—and no immersion, they explained, could mean none of the cognitive changes associated with living in another country.

Traveling may have other brain benefits, too. Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, an associate professor of education and psychology at the University of Southern California, says that cross-cultural experiences have the potential to strengthen a person’s sense of self. “What a lot of psychological research has shown now is that the ability to engage with people from different backgrounds than yourself, and the ability to get out of your own social comfort zone, is helping you to build a strong and acculturated sense of your own self,” she says. “Our ability to differentiate our own beliefs and values … is tied up in the richness of the cultural experiences that we have had.”

Cross-cultural experiences have the potential to pull people out of their cultural bubbles, and in doing so, can increase their sense of connection with people from backgrounds different than their own. “We found that when people had experiences traveling to other countries it increased what’s called generalized trust, or their general faith in humanity,” Galinsky says. “When we engage in other cultures, we start to have experience with different people and recognize that most people treat you in similar ways. That produces an increase in trust.”

This trust may play an important role in enhancing creative function. In a 2012 study out of Tel Aviv University, researchers found that people who “believe that racial groups have fixed underlying essences”—beliefs the authors termed “essentialist views”—performed significantly worse in creative tests than those who saw cultural and racial divisions as arbitrary and malleable. “This categorical mindset induces a habitual closed-mindedness that transcends the social domain and hampers creativity,” the study authors wrote. In other words, those who put people in boxes had trouble thinking outside the box.

Of course, although a new country is an easy way to leave a “social comfort zone,” the cultural engagement associated with cognitive change doesn’t have to happen abroad. If a plane ticket isn’t an option, maybe try taking the subway to a new neighborhood. Sometimes, the research suggests, all that’s needed for a creative boost is a fresh cultural scene.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters@theatlantic.com.

Ode to the Digital Detox

On By TheGypsyProfessorIn Gear, Life, Monday, Motivation, Review, Therapy, TravelLeave a comment

I have written about the benefits of a kind of “digital detox” before. Especially within the context of traveling. Like this; From Cartagena with love.

Stowing our devices from time to time allows us to be more connected to the moment, and especially to the people around us. Thinking about the process of building new habits, this recent post by Aj Jones struck a chord with me.

the full article can be found here: https://medium.com/s/story/the-digital-detox-is-dead-but-we-still-need-to-use-technology-more-wisely-31f7964a96d8

Jones argues that the detox is dead, and that instead we simply need to be more responsible with our technology use.  What say you? Is the detox dead?

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“Who amongst us hasn’t heard of the “digital detox”? In essence, the digital detox is the process of ridding oneself of toxins and unhealthy substances generated by prolonged technology use. In the past few years, digital detoxing has grown from an idea to a brand to, for many, a guide for how to think and live.

Today I’m writing to note that the digital detox should die, and for good reason.

Let’s get to the facts: There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that in our current era of TVs, computers, laptops, smartphones, and tablets, we overuse technology. These tools of technology have fundamentally changed how we communicate. Today, these tools function as essentials for completing everyday tasks at home and in the workplace.

The usage figures themselves are more than a little shocking:

For personal research, I’ve even used an online survey to assess how much technology people I know use per day, with over half of my participants reporting a daily use of over five hours.

This technology overuse is increasingly, though often indirectly, linked to conditions including stress, anxiety, social isolation, depression, and insomnia. All of these are known to contribute to burnout, but I predict that the digital detox is just the wrong solution to this problem of technology overuse.

Personally, I’m not addicted to technology per se, but I do use it to work remotely, stay connected with friends and family, and stream movies, which, in hindsight, may seem like a lot. I had noticed not long ago that through my technology use I had unknowingly developed a pattern of bad habits, a few of which I have listed below:

  • I would reach for my phone as soon as I woke up (about 8 a.m.) to check Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, emails, and LinkedIn.
  • I’d then grab my laptop from under my bed where I stashed it the night before, head to my desk, and start working. First, I’d respond to emails and messages, then make plans for the day, and finally begin my work (I do work from home quite often).
  • By 6 p.m. I would try and finish for the day, sit on the couch with the TV on for background noise, and then scroll through Facebook on my laptop while chatting with friends via WhatsApp on my phone.
  • At around 8 p.m., I’d grab dinner with some friends before getting into bed at about 10 p.m. Since I’d often struggle with getting to sleep, I would end up watching Netflix until my eyes were sore enough that they’d close on their own.
  • Almost every night for about a year on end, I would wake up at 3 a.m. and struggle to get to sleep again. This would mean that I’d watch more Netflix until my tiredness overwhelmed me, and fall asleep at about 5 a.m., ready to repeat the whole process for another day.

In short, I was exhausted all the time.

The image you probably have of me in your head right now is someone who looks a little like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, and my friends may jokingly argue that this is a pretty accurate representation! But in reality I am a healthy, exercise-conscious person, and always have been. My current lifestyle contrasts with the 10 years of my life which I spent in an elite military unit where my office was the outdoors, and I would literally live for weeks at a time directly under the stars in places all over the world. It wasn’t until I left that career and became a full-time student at a prestigious U.K. university that I began to use technology for hours on end without a break, every single day.

In short, I developed these bad habits during my time as a student, and left them unchecked for so long that I carried them with me into my work life.

So what were the physical and mental effects of all this technology overuse? Well, physically I lost weight. The lack of sleep affected my eating habits and decreased my energy levels. My eyesight, which had always been 20/20, deteriorated. I began to struggle to see objects that were far away, simply because I was spending long periods staring at a digital screen only a few inches from my face.

Mentally, the effects were much worse. My confidence plummeted, and I stopped seeing friends and spending time with my girlfriend. I was exhausted all day, everyday, and used the little energy I did have just to stay on top of my work. I gradually became depressed without even realizing it, which only prevented me from stepping outside more and being around other people. In short, I came dangerously close to being burnt out.

It was at this point that I knew something had to change, so I reflected on my bad habits and tried to begin addressing them; not by detoxing from technology use altogether, but by trying to be more careful about my use.

Be in control of your technology use — don’t let it control you.

Gradually, I began to set boundaries and stick to them. I started going to the gym every morning and didn’t check my phone until I was done with my workout, learning in the process that the world is not going to end if I don’t reply to every email right away. I made a point of meeting and spending time with friends, just chatting and drinking. I now have a definite cutoff time in the evenings for when I stop using my laptop. I also only read in bed now, which has led to deeper, longer, and unbroken periods of sleep.

Very quickly I started noticing myself becoming healthier, happier, and having much more energy. This period of change differs from a “digital detox” the way we understand it today because I didn’t lock all my devices in a box and abstain from technology use altogether, or delete all my social media accounts entirely, or put myself at the metaphorical top of a mountain for longer than a weekend.

My experience teaches me that the “digital detox” needs to die because it is a fundamentally flawed concept. Three reasons explain this: First, the term “detox” has several negative connotations. It implies addiction and dependency, which removes your agency in decision-making and practicing sound judgement over your health and happiness. This, in turn, renders you subject to your digital addiction, unable to make clear decisions and take control without outside support.

Secondly, the idea of surrendering your devices, or deleting your social media and going cold turkey, is actually a rather oppressive and unnecessary approach. It almost creates a prison-like environment in which you can only control your behavior when your distractions are taken away.

Ironically, this in turn creates a situation in which you are rewarded with your devices or apps at the end of your detox period if you are good and obey the rules. If you delete your social media and abstain from using your devices, you get to use them once the detox period is over. It just doesn’t make any sense at all.

Thirdly, it implies that without outside support to motivate you, a detox is, by definition, difficult to achieve. This is wrong, and belief in this prevents most people from managing their technology use much better. For example, 65 percent of Americans somewhat or strongly agree that periodically unplugging is important for their mental health, but only 28 percent of those actually report doing so.

Now, spas and boutiques offer more affluent clientele opportunities to digitally detox while partaking in their services, and companies prioritizing employee health have started treating their staff to bespoke packages or retreats in order to get them away from their devices for certain periods of time.

A more practical approach to the digital detox is to work with the simple fact that most of us do not suffer from a severe addiction to technology and do not actually need, or are not realistically able to, engage in a hardcore detox from it. For those who do suffer from an actual addiction to technology, help can come in the form of professional behavioral therapy, or a rehabilitative experience that promises the necessary services and support to address issues of addiction.

Instead of detoxing, many of the rest of us should get comfortable with the idea of detaching from our technology periodically.

Instead of detoxing, many of the rest of us should get comfortable with the idea of detaching from our technology periodically. Detaching means keeping our devices and social media apps, but using them only when necessary or within an ordained limit. Many of us, for example, don’t need to aimlessly scroll through our phones on a bus or train to help pass the time, since it is bad for our eyes and is almost always unrewarding. Instead, read a book and expand your mind. I’m currently reading The Worst Journey in the World — a true story about the early Antarctic explorers and Robert Falcon Scott’s ill-fated final expedition — which is pretty fascinating and inspiring stuff.

Unlike a digital detox where you either surrender your devices, delete all your social media apps, or, ironically, use an app to block all your other apps (a digital response to a digital problem?!) a detach requires you to make conscious decisions about when and how you use your technology. In this is a more powerful lesson which gives you the power to pull back at any time or context.

When you detach you are in control all the time. It is a mind game in which you play against you, and in which there can only be one winner in the end.

I challenge you to forget about detoxing and embrace the concept of detaching. Choose a time when you would usually use your device; for example, just before bed. Rather than pulling out your device to watch Netflix or scroll through the news, make the choice to read a book in bed. Instead of taking your laptop to a café to work or catch up on social media, make the choice to go for a coffee with a friend, leaving your laptop at home and putting your phone on silent, so you can really be in the moment without any digital distractions.

In short, be in control of your technology use—don’t let it control you. I think you’ll find, as I did, that you’ll be much healthier and happier as a result.”